My god it has been for ever! And oh my has life been taking me from one end to another…
Let me start by apologizing for disappearing into thin air after my last post of me being absolutely chuffed about feeling lots and lots better and thoroughly believing I had been cured once and for all… you may already sense what’s coming…
The pain is back — in all its glory and almightiness… (I know it’s not a word, I think… god! relax).
‘Bit by bit the pain weaseled its
way back in to my daily routine until I caught it red handed taking over my life again; terrorizing my every move…’
You might’ve even seen some pictures of me looking like I was having the time of my life — I was, I really was enjoying a life with almost no pain and feeling the power of having control over my life again.
But then it all came back, bit by bit the pain weaseled its way back in to my daily routine until I caught it red handed taking over my life again; terrorizing my every move… and well, call me crazy, but after sharing with you my success of feeling so much better I just couldn’t find the words or courage to share with you this major disappointment. I just couldn’t. And a big part of me was obviously wishing it would just be temporarily and the ‘painfree’ times were just around the corner again. But after waiting and wishing for a long time I just have to admit to you and myself. The pain is back.
I have been taking my meds and been to all of my regular checkups at the hospital. In the meantime I’m trying to hold down a steady job which is very challenging considering the state I’m in most of the time. I’m trying to do all the right things to prevent the pain from getting worse and more powerful but it feels more like carrying water to the sea.. that might not even be a saying in the English language but I’m throwing it in here anyways.
I’ve been prescribed new drugs almost every month or so and every time I would cross my fingers hoping these new pills would give me my freedom back. But up until this day that hasn’t been the case. And although this sounds and ís rather depressing I must admit I could’ve taken it worse and my life isn’t all that bad… some moments it is, being in pain still feels like running a marathon, on one leg, every day. But I’ve met a wonderful person who wants to share his life with this curled up little bundle of pain called ‘me’. So even though I’m angry and unbelievably disappointed about being ill, I do enjoy life and whatever I (we) can make of it.
I’m very thankful of this wonderful human being, standing beside me, being all tough and strong. He’s there when I’m feeling a bit better and we go paint the town red! But more importantly he’s there when I’m all down in the dumps because I’m in pain. Thank you for sticking by me even though you barely know me. (insert monkey face hiding behind its hands).
On a more chipper note; look I have a car! Still no drivers license though haha but we’re getting there!
But look how cute! I’m totally and utterly in love with it and can’t wait to be huffin and puffin around in this one. Fingers crossed it will not disintegrate on the motorway 😉
Thank you for checking in on me, feel free to leave a massage!
If it’s been a while since we spoke or saw each other please don’t hesitate and drop us a text or fb message and we’ll go for drinks! Maybe not for large pints of Guinness but catching up over a hot cup of tea works just as well:) god when did I become so English…
Haha Ok. Doei!
PS. Mocht je je nou afvragen wat mijn ziekte beeld precies inhoud heb ik hier een mooie/deprimerende opsomming van symptomen. Dit doe ik natuurlijk niet om zielig te doen maar wel om awareness te brengen voor MCAS, en mocht je jouw klachten nou hierin herkennen neem contact op met je arts! Ook mij mag je alles vragen!